Ruby Marsh Coaching

Seth Godin has this wonderful taken on Imposter Syndrome (which I prefer to call complex, because it’s not a medical condition) that might enlighten you a little.

“Imposter Syndrome. It’s rampant. The big reason is that we’re all impostors. You’re not imagining that you’re an impostor, it’s likely that you are one. Everyone who is doing important work is working on something that might not work. And it’s extremely likely that they’re also not the very best qualified person on the planet to be doing that work”

If Seth is correct, and we’re all going to feel it, then why are we unable to let it go?

First, a little story.

2014, the year I was married and moved to Melbourne, was also the year Tara Mohr released her incredible book Playing Big. 

As a coach, much of what I support women with, draws parallels with my own journey of leaping out of the world of Architecture and landing in coaching several years later.

Trust me, being able to learn from both your mistakes and successes allows me to help women fast track their business building journey. 

As I devoured Playing Big, I immediately saw correlations between my personal experience and what she taught. 

The part of Tara’s book that was so pivotal for me, was when she spoke about the key reasons women hold themselves back from Playing Big – one of which being Imposter Complex.

In my work, I’ve come across this and two other core beliefs that hold women back from taking that next leap in their business.

Whether it be simply starting, deciding to double down on the clients that really matter, build an audience or credibility – these beliefs have the potential to stop us in our tracks. 

The first is a fear of being exposed – you could call this imposter complex if you’re familiar with that term…you feel afraid, not good enough, or tell yourself “what if they find out?/I don’t know what to say?/I’m not qualified for this”

These thoughts and feelings often lead to polishing and perfecting something, rather than putting it out to get feedback then learning from the feedback.

This stops us from showing up imperfectly on social media and sharing our message, or connecting with our dream customers and understanding their struggles.

So we hide. We choose to invest time and money into the things that we believe help our confidence – a flash website, a photoshoot or to somehow be magically confident on video in order to do our first IGTV. 

My belief is, Imposter Complex shows up most powerfully for us when we’re about to do something we’ve never done before – because it feels like a leap into the unknown. 

Unfortunately, this nasty little voice is just trying to keep us hiding because evolutionarily speaking, it thinks it’s protecting us – because once upon a time (and not that long ago might I add) we needed to fit in, be liked and protect our place in our community and have security. 

In just the last 100 years, women are holding their own, running companies, running countries even, and earning enough to support ourselves.

While this Imposter Complex is likely to be the leftover of thousands of years of being reliant on external opinions of us, today, it means we stop betting on ourselves, and looking to everyone else to determine whether we’re enough.  

One of the most powerful things that helps us move through this feeling, is getting really clear on what our greatest strengths and skills are, and capitalising on them.

This is evidence you’re freakin’ fantastic already. You don’t need to wait till you’re Beyonce or Jacinda Ardern to get started – because that train might be a long time coming. 

Even when you are in the early days of your business, communicate in the way you know best – if that’s writing then write, if that’s speaking then speak, if it’s drawing then draw.

You can’t just do something once. You need to double down to move through the Imposter Complex.   

Ready for the next thought that stops us?

I need to get more qualifications first…

As a forever student myself, study and learning is an important part of who I am and allows me to double down on things I want to teach my clients.

However, as my husband likes to remind me, “I think Tony Robbins dropped out of his NLP class and look where that got him?”. Whether you’re a TR fan or not, the point is, he got out there and started connecting and practicing his craft. 

You need not worry, I’m not suggesting you do negligent things, I’m simply questioning whether you can start something now?

What skills could you acquire through on the job experience?

Are you forgetting that you’ve been “designing” or drawing your whole life as a form of therapy or a hobby?

Shouldn’t 20 years of that count for something? 

In her book, Tara Mohr shares that she noticed this pattern in very intelligent, capable women, because study was “comfortable” and they believed that clutching that piece of paper would transform their thoughts from fear to certainty. On the other side of the coin, playing bigger right now was extremely uncomfortable.

This one, like our first hiding tactic, is not entirely our fault.

Our schooling model, rote learning (think memorising your times tables) and this expectation that most of us will jump into university or college straight out of high school has us believe that a linear path is the only option.

As you’ll hear from many of the women interviewed on this podcast, many of them have not taken a linear path – but what’s important is questioning what you think you “should” do then choosing from there what is True to You.

This final one is probably the most common one I hear in my work.

I’ve got so many ideas I keep starting and stopping, changing my mind, which makes me doubt I’ve got what it takes…

I’m a big fan of experimentation, projects and testing your ideas.

I think being in creation mode is super healthy for us.

Creating gets us out of that endless cycle of consumption we can get unknowingly trapped in.

But at a certain point, we need to ask ourselves is this creating clarity or having me end up more confused? If you feel like you fall into this trap of stopping and starting or inconsistency often, perhaps it’s time to ask yourself, what am I not clear on? 

Am I not clear on who my ideal clients are?

Where my greatest value lies? 

Do I need to offer several services or could I offer only a couple of powerful ones?

If you jump back into episode 34, you’ll hear me chat to Kendall Dodson owner of These Golden Daze about how we refined her business, streamlined her focus and amalgamated two businesses into one direction that lit her up the most. 

The other clarity question I would ask myself if I was feeling overwhelmed is:  Do I have a vision, a plan or some goals in place that I can return to when I feel like I’m drifting off the path? Our brain naturally likes stability and safety, and whatever you can do to create that will help ease this feeling of confusion.

A lack of clarity or direction can be exhausting, as shiny objects and attention stealers send us off in a million different directions. When we choose “a” path, if even for a short time, a sense of purpose is actually energy-giving and we all know energy is needed to grow ideas and dreams.

I would love to know in the comments below, which of these three beliefs do you hold onto the most? And, what’s one action you could take to begin to let go of that belief?