Understand why you hate your beautiful body and learn to love it | by Amber Hawken

amber hawken body loveamber hawken body loveHeya Beautiful,

If all the words you spoke to yourself were written on your body in tiny letters, would you re-think those thoughts? The world is energetic, so even though you cannot see those words, your body can feel it and it affects every single cell you have.

It’s time to put an end to destruction, let me explain how.

Understand why you hate your beautiful body, and learn to love it.

“You must love yourself before you love another. By accepting yourself and fully being what you are, your simple presence can make others happy you yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love & affection.”

– Buddha

It’s not your fault you hate your bodyand its totally reversible.

I’ll tell you why and I’ll show you how.

I need to really drill it into you that no matter what you look like, I can nearly bet my left butt cheek that insecurities will still arise in the mind, despite physical appearances. I have worked with some of Australia’s top models and Body Sculptors and that body you think will make you happy, won’t. I know from these personal and professional experiences that it doesn’t matter a stinking bit what you actually look like. That need for approval will only be silenced when you have worked internally.

The feature image of this article is only recent, and I remember 5 years ago when I was actually leaner than this and I hated by body and I was frigging miserable. I was working at a gym and surrounded by people constantly comparing themselves – sad people might I admit – people looking for external satisfaction to an internal issue. It all boils down to self acceptance, seriously no bullshit or airy fairy nonsense, just truth.

It’s actually very common to feel insecure, but it shouldn’t be accepted as normal and almost every girl I have spoken to, has been in that place at some level, you are not alone.

We are prehistorically hard wired to look for similarity in looks in an effort to encourage us to remain within our tribes for safety thousands of years ago.  Unfortunately these days the alarm bell for, “they’re not your tribe”, has been replaced with a feeling of insignificance. Now combine the “social status” which media incorrectly correlates to “model figure” or “fit body” and happy life, suddenly you have an image to strive for, an appearance of social acceptance and an epidemic of girls unsatisfied with themselves.

But listen up lassie, it’s not the image you are after, its what you think you will feel like if you achieve that look or recognition.

A poor relationship with your body begins basically from the time of toddlerism. Uh, yep, made that word up..

Why? Because chances are, your mother, and her mother had one also. We learn from watching what our “elders” aka parents/sisters/television/media do and say.

This cascade of perceived inefficiency has dramatically increased since the introduction of social media because now, we have the accessibility to compare ourselves to others literally at our fingertips 24/7.

From around five we begin to recognise the difference between boys and girls, tall and short, thick and thin. All it takes is one “I am not good enough” to create attachments and meaning to what we have to now “do” (rebel, achieve, hug) to “be enough” to be loved or get attention. Combine this with the fallacy that happiness is pouring out of the photo-shopped women and thin-framed Victoria’s Secret models, and the vicious cycle of self loathing begins.

So would you like some good news? Promise me this before you read, because after you find this out, your life will change, so only read this if you are serious about stopping the trash talk and self bagging.

Promise? Okay, here is the secret. Your brain is a little like a computer – you can uninstall old programs and re-install new ones. We do it all day everyday, mostly unknowingly.

The thing is you’re too damn impolite. Too freaking mean. Shock. And it makes your life crap to live in. Eventually, negative comments – whether out loud or in your mind, become what you perceive as the truth and this is where distortions are created such as girls weighing 40kg thinking they are fat and disgusting. 

Catching yourself in the moment is a perfect place to start. You must practice to shift that pattern of thought, and re-program that mind of yours. A beautiful body doesn’t begin with a diet and/or a gym membership. It begins in your head.

How many times a day do you think about your body? And how many of those thoughts are nice ones? Are you at the point where you thoughts are creating physical reactions in your body? Can you feel it and experience that? That’s because your body hears everything your mind says and you have said it so many times that it’s no longer just a thought; it’s become a visceral certainty.

You must work hard and do what I say to unravel all of the negative programs and install gratitude, love, appreciation and inspiration. 

Only then will you want to care for your body from a loving place. Not torture and starve yourself from a place of “motivation” and pain. Only weak misguided people need motivation. When it comes from love, we are inspired and don’t need to be pushed. If you find yourself resisting this shift, know that it is normal because a part of your brain thinks that you were getting attention and significance from disliking yourself and on some level, it loves to hate itself. Just know that this will fade away the more you practice ignoring that voice and overpowering it.

Most of my clients admit to having a negative thought about themselves and their body at least once every 15-30 minutes all day with increments increasing in social conditions. Things like fast food, sad songs, television, alcohol and drugs distract you from those feelings negative thoughts harvest.

Reprogramming wont just fix your emotional pain, it will help stop your addictions as well. Because an addiction is simply a distraction.

Where to begin then?

Mirror work and affirmations are two of the most powerful tools.
Every day when you wake up begin with the thought
“I love you __name__” . Saying it before you get out of bed, and then continue it while you look at your reflection.

You may not want to do this and it is totally normal to feel a little resistant and ridiculous and like there is no hope and that it won’t work. I pinky promise, if you push through that doubt, it will work, you have nothing to lose.

You can also label every body part something positive like strong, healthy, lean, especially the painful ones you think you don’t like the most. Remember you don’t have to look or feel like the words you are using, it’s called an affirmation for a reason, just have a go. Eventually that beautiful, mindful you then finds its way out for everyone to see. Change begins with self-respect, love and understanding that your mind and your body are interconnected.

Whenever you speak to yourself, only use language of the complimentary type. Pretend that you are talking to your childhood hero, or the queen, or your mother in law to be for the first time.  Proper polite, loving and kind. If you do not fill your thoughts with loving kind words, I guarantee you negative ones will take their place. You must practice and not give up on yourself.

How we look is just a projection of how we feel… start feeling fit and empowered, beautiful and deserving right now.

Some example affirmations are below:

“I am beautiful”
“I am a goddess”
“I am happy”
“ I am worthy of love”
“I am worthy”
“I am enough right now”
“I love you (name)”
“I am healthy”
“I am confident”
“I am safe”

These words were kindly shared with us by the gorgeous Amber Hawken aka Bloom Wellness. You can also read a little more about Amber here, when we featured her as one of our girl crushes. Amber offers 1:1 life and wellness coaching and personal detoxification plans.

a conscious beauty

This post was co-written by Katherine & Ruby, the co-founders of A Conscious Beauty.

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