My secrets to building deeper connections
As I write this I’m sitting on a train to Sydney with my Mama having spent several days together with my beautiful sister in Newcastle.
We come together rarely these days, but we always jam-pack it with our favourite things – movies, several coffees, lunch, shopping, beach swims, cooking delicious meals, sharing stories and our wisdom with one another.
It has often struck me the significant long-term value created by these intense periods of connection. You can have a couple of hours with a girlfriend you haven’t seen in months and it fills you both up for weeks to come. We’ve gone so far as to drop people back at the airport while they’re transiting in Melbourne just to be able to connect.
Back to the daily grind and we quickly lament the ‘busyness’ of our lives. Our physical and emotional energy is spread thin (which is not the way I like my peanut butter!). This busyness leads to a pattern of forever trying to find that perfect balance in all areas of life. This is true for the food we eat, exercise we do, our careers and our relationships.
Since we’re on the topic of connection and relationships, lets go there.
I’ve come to feel strongly that the strength of our relationships isn’t defined by quantity – although social media would have us believing so.
The strength of our relationships is proportionate to the depth, not time or the number of.
To go deep can be scary, because we are suddenly unmasked, we have nowhere to hide.
Obviously there will be wide-ranging perceptions of what depth looks like from one being to another, but there are a few key things anyone can do to enhance the depth.
Begin with the belief that the eyes are a window to your soul.
Look your beloved in the eyes – our body language, especially the eyes speak volumes for our level of attention.
For a long time, I really had to practice looking people in the eyes when they spoke. I was totally uncomfortable, but this practice alone did wonders for my confidence one on one with people. As this began to grow to an audience, I took the same idea with me.
Listen to listen when you relate (this is a major practice!) and give them your undivided attention.
Even if you’re only have 10 minutes for an exchange at the end of the day with your beloved, in that 10 minutes you are 100% present with them.
As with looking someone in the eyes my awareness also increase around my lack of listening, so I practiced listening. As my man knows, I’m an effervescent woman who was great at finishing sentences in the past. Now 90% of my work as a mentor is listening.
Do you remember what it felt like the last time someone really listened to you? Did you feel loved? did it feel like time stood still?
This is what I believe abundance truly feels like. Again, depth not time.
We too often judge ourselves on the lack of time with loved ones, the lack of connection in our relationships. But rather than focus on the lack – think about what you can do to create depth?
A recent podcast from a personal development coach, highlighted three more ideas for creating deeper connections.
The first relating to the subject of time.
Create sacred dates.
If ‘lack of time’ has become a reoccurring theme for you, then I suggest planning in major chunks of time with your family, friends or partner in advance – perhaps in 3 or 6 month blocks. This could be a holiday, a day date – far enough in advanced that you build the rest of your schedule to meet that date.
The second point in the podcast related to the content of our conversations.
Dare to dream together.
This is a beautiful practice to tie in with our sacred dates. When was the last time you talked about your vision for the future, or expressed a wild idea you had while you’re in the shower? When you create space together away from the distractions of daily life, these ideas flow easily and naturally.
The third related to how we get present before we enter a situation or conversation with our closest humans. This was also a lovely piece of advice that my mother-in-law has given me in the past before going into a deep conversation with her son.
Breathe. Then enter the moment.
Before you get out of the car, on your walk home from the train take a handful of deep breaths to ground you. Or you could even plan your conversation around a yoga class or a run to get you a little more present in your body.
If any of these ideas connect with you please let me know in the comments below.
If you’re craving to feel more connected to your loved ones, then focussing on depth by using these few little things will go a long way. Soon you will be able to feel a level of depth with not just your loved ones but even a stranger. And that’s when the real magic happens!
Beautiful, are you ready to create a deeper connection to yourself, your career and your relationships?
Good news is that connection already exists within you, sometimes it takes a little help to discover it.
You are invited to begin this journey today by joining me for a 30min coaching call to learn how we do this.
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