Learning to give up the comparison hangover

14.05.02_true nature is luminous_daniellelaporte

Image courtesy of daniellelaporte.com

I am intelligent, I am driven, I strive to be the best.

But with all this, I also exhibit A-Type tendencies.

And here comes the second BUT.

Alongside those A-type tendencies is a nasty, dirty little habit I’m trying to kick.

COMPARISON to others.

Phew, I said it.

That was like standing up in an AA meeting admitting that one. I barely drink a drop but while striving forward at full-speed, I still suffer from what Marie Forleo refers to in B-School as a “comparison hangover”.

My now husband and I have talked at length on this subject many times. Our evening conversations will frequently start with me telling him about the newest wellness guru I’d discovered that day and how they’ve got this amazing website and they hang out with these other rad gurus and they live the so-called “dream life”, and on I rattle. With me best interests at heart, he’ll lovingly listen but then politely say that I’ve gone into idolisation mode again. While it is important to know the people who inspire you, it’s another to want to be like them, always. I know you’re all thinking, that’s a bit harsh, comparison can’t be that bad can it?

Comparison stops you from moving forward, it weighs you down, it is a heavy b*$tch.

A constant “comparison hangover” can be draining. I used to know a real hangover most weekends back in uni days and that ain’t a fun place to be. When I constantly compare myself to others, I am not moving forward, rather, I am stuck “in a hole” and not allowing my authentic self to determine my path.

Comparison is the stuff of what Tolle calls “ego”

Eckhart Tolle writes extensively about the ego in his novel ‘A New Earth’. That book was a life changer for me. Tolle describes comparison as an unconscious state and in order to reverse the unconscious, the first thing I do is what Tolle describes as:

making peace with the present moment

In the present, I am not in my past (resentment) or in my future (comparison). I am concerned with what I am, in the here and now.

being at peace and being who you are, that is, being yourself, are one Tolle, A New Earth

The second thing I do to spin this limiting belief off into the yonder, is I re-align with my core-desired feelings. I can testify wholeheartedly that choosing my core-desired feelings has been one of the most profound and grounding tools I have come to know. By learning to live each day through my core-desired feelings, I craft goals and a vision for my life that is not the “Jones’s” dream, but one that is from my true authentic self.

If you can do one thing, PLEASE let that authentic, passionate self, radiate from every cell.

That is the sexy stuff ladies.

Finally, I can’t bear to finish this post without a little wisdom from my GURU Danielle LaPorte:

1. When you’re tempted to compare yourself to others, stave off the comparing by feeling your way into your dream.
2. Bless the people you feel envious of.

Try it, you just might learn to KAPOW that comparison out of your way!

Tell me beauties, do you suffer from a comparison hangover? have you managed to kick the habit?

Ruby Marsh

Ruby Marsh

Ruby Marsh is a mentor and the creator of The Unstoppable Woman transformation program. She believes that when a woman is confident in her own skin, she is free to create herself on her own terms. Through her 1:1 work with women and workshops she is supports women to clear their minds and open their hearts.

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